He must! What other possible answer could it be? Fighting for 10 years wondering what truly is wrong with me, losing my ability to work and drive. Hell, why not throw in a lump in my breast for shits and giggles?!
But first...
*placing soap box
Ladies, we need be performing self breast exams at the very least once a month. Get to know the feel of your breasts. It's very important. Medical professionals are now saying that young women do not need to do this. Per American Cancer Society... Evidence does not show that regular breast self-exams help reduce deaths from breast cancer. However, it is very important for women to be aware of how their breasts normally look and feel and to report any changes to a health care provider right away. This is especially important if a woman notices a breast change at some point in between her regular mammograms. So, let me get this straight. You no longer need to perform a self breast exam but you need to know the "look and feel"?? Kinda like in Alabama, you can have an abortion as long as you DO NOT know you're pregnant. (I am not even going to go there) How the hell are you going to know if you have a lump if you're not doing exams? As a nurse and a woman, I call bullshit! Do the breast exam. No need to be embarrassed or afraid. Millions of women do it every day. Perform it privately like when no one is home or when in the shower. It's ok. It could save your life! If you don't know or unsure you are doing it correctly, take a look at this site.
This is my journey...
Tuesday May 14th:
- I started to feel this burning pain in my left breast. I thought it might be just irritated skin from the beagles playing on me. The burning intensified throughout the day. I decided to do a self breast exam. I felt this dime sized lump in my left breast just under the areola. I wasn't really sure if that was what I was feeling. Fortunately, hubby was home so I asked him to feel. He did and then said "Call the doctor.". That day I was able to get in. The Nurse Practitioner (NP) asked me why at 43 I have yet to get a mammogram. My reply was, "There's no family history, I do self exams and I thought I had to get a mammogram when I was at least 45 or 50.". Apparently this doesn't matter anymore. You can have no family history, self exams are helpful and women need to start getting mammograms starting at 40 and then every year thereafter. Oops! My bad! The NP performed a breast exam on me with a worried expression. She said she was concerned and I needed to have a mammogram and ultrasound. The imaging facility will call me to schedule. I can see the worry on my hubby's face. I said "Honey, don't worry. I am ok. It is probably just a cyst or collection of fibrous tissue that the beagles irritated. It will be ok.". At that point I'm not sure if I was trying to comfort him or feed my amazing sense of denial. 2 birds with 1 stone I suppose.
- I go home and 15 minutes later I actually received a call from the imaging facility. I was impressed. Then I wasn't "We don't have any appointments until May 29th." WTF!?!? You can't get me in for more than 2 weeks? The lady told me I could call around to see if I can get in sooner. I called a hospital near us. They were scheduling in July! Finally after several calls I found on that could get me in on the 21st. I'll take it.
Now hold up...all the tv, internet, radio, etc... on the importance of early detection of breast cancer but with a lump I can't get a mammogram for more than 2 weeks to a month?? WTF! I am so angered by that! You expect me to sit here for a month, my hubby sit here for a month not knowing what is in my breast, thinking the worst because that's what we all do BECAUSE of the tv, internet, radio and etc... and you can't squeeze a person in? I just don't get it! If a man needed... I know I don't need to finish this sentence.
May 15th to the 21st
- Wore brave face, act like there's nothing wrong, minimized the seriousness of the situation, cracked jokes about if I were to have breast cancer and had a mastectomy then I could get new perky ones. Joked about the terrible South Park episode about breast cancer and at times simply try not to think about it. Oh and I realized for once in my life that I was using food for comfort. I absolutely need carbs!!!
- One thing did surprise me. I did not want anyone to know. Not my mom, best friend, my kids, in-laws. Not one person other than hubby. I didn't want them to worry needlessly if it turned out to be nothing. I know how they all worry. My daughter would be a mess because she takes everything to heart. My bestie has a chronic illness of her own and stress and anxiety makes it worse. My mom, I know how she worries because I am my mother's daughter. I am adamant I do not want anyone to know. However, I did tell Hubby if he needed to he could tell his bestie because I know it wouldn't get back to my family and friends. I know how Hubby is. Sometimes he needs to talk it out with someone. And that's ok. I get it.
- I did end up telling my bestie. I know if I were her, I would be pissed if she didn't tell me. She has been great. She took it well. From appearances anyways. Because I know she worries just like me. Her and Hubby then talked me into telling my mom. I did but I not until after my mammogram and ultrasound. She wasn't mad but it kills me that I made her worry. Ultimately, I did feel better telling them but felt incredibly guilty to put them through all that worry.
May 21st The Mammogram and Ultrasound
- The technician was a wonderful, comforting lady. As I stood there in my lovely robe, she prepared the machine and chatted about the recent recommendations for not teaching young women about self breast exams. She and I were totally on the same page. It needs to be taught. Nevertheless, it was time for my mammogram. You have to stand in front of this contraption as the technician places your breast on this plastic clamp-like device. You then have to contort yourself by keeping your "hips straight to make the nipple straight", straighten out your right and left arms and touch the back of the machine like you are hugging it but have your arms relaxed. Move right shoulder in and still keeping your hips straight and then bend your right knee. At this point I said to the technician that "A man invented this!". She laughed. Probably not the first time she heard this. She then began to press down the plastic parts to squeeze my breast and make sure everything was perfect. Time to hold my breath and take the pics. Honestly, it wasn't that bad. Just awkward trying to balance everything. Especially when you have balance issues. When it was over, the technician showed me the images. It was really neat. Of course I forgot to take a pic to share so here is one I found on Google...
- Ultrasound was a breeze. No pain. You just lay there while another technician places warm jelly on your breast and moves the ultrasound thingy (technical term) across to take pictures. And of course I didn't get a pic of that one either. I know, I'm slacking!
- Afterwards, I had to wait for the radiologist to come in and discuss what she sees. Using my great skills of denial, I told myself that it will come back as a cyst or simple fibrous tissue. NOPE! She came back and said she recommends a biopsy because it looks suspicious. Fan-frickin-tastic!
May 24th -- The Biopsy
- Nerves are on edge but still holding it together. First I had an ultrasound to see exactly where the lump is located. Tech marked my breast with an X for the Radiologist. The tech spoke in a sweet, compassionate voice when she explained what was about to happen. It made me feel at ease. The radiologist arrives and I must say she also had a very sweet and compassionate voice. It was truly evident that they both really care about their job and their patients. Radiologist numbed the area. Oh get this, I didn't have the normal bee sting like feeling like I do at the dentist or with stitches. Just pressure. I actually thought something was wrong. So I spoke up. (Imagine that) Apparently there is a "buffer" that docs can add to the lidocaine (Novacaine) injection that removes the sting. The radiologist stated "I've been doing this a long time and I know a few tricks.". Yay for me! The radiologist informed me that I will be hearing a loud click and she will tell me before she does it so it doesn't startle me. Here is a pic of the "needle" she used...
- I chose this pic because 1. It's funny to me (I'll stab a bitch) 2. It's exactly what it looks like. Kinda scary but really it wasn't. Radiologist and tech prep my left breast and I had to lay flat and place my left arm behind my head. I think this was the hardest part. I hate laying on my back because of pain. I hate having my arm raised behind my head because of pain. Radiologist took 5 pieces of the suspected tissue with the assistance of ultrasound. There was some bleeding but it was minimal. After about 10 minutes the procedure was complete and steri-strips placed. Now I had to have 2 mammogram pics done because when a biopsy is done, they place a tiny titanium marker on the lump. This signifies that the lump has been biopsied. It will show up on an x-ray, mammogram or ultrasound. It will NOT set off a metal detector. The mammogram was quick and not as much pressure placed like during a normal one. Just checking to see if the titanium is in the correct spot. Now it's time to sit and wait until the 29th for results. Of course this was done on a Friday of a holiday weekend. I know how to pick my appointment dates!
May 25-29th
- Sore, swollen and bruised. Wear your bra the first day. I hate wearing bras but it does help with the swelling. Ice packs are important for the first day. Best choice is a bag of frozen peas. Frozen green beans work just as well. At bedtime I like to lay on my left side. So I placed my clay cold pack on the bed and had my breast laying on top of it.
- Second day, the swelling has gone down, bruising increased and it's sore. But nothing out of the ordinary. The hardest part for me was trying to keep the beagles from running across my chest as they like to do. They have no concept of boundaries.
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| Of course I had to add a pic of Ms Bella |
- All the other days, not much to report. Still sore, bruised and beagles are making it challenging.
May 29th -- The Results
- Not in yet
May 30th — The Results
- Still nothing and I’m frustrated! I get that I had the biopsy on a Friday. I get that it is a holiday weekend and more than likely the pathology lab will be closed the following Monday. I get that Ohio had 14 confirmed tornadoes (no joke, we did) and most places don’t have power but COME ON! Ok, after reading what I just typed does I sound a bit selfish but I’m just scared. Scared of the unknown. Hubby hasn’t been sleeping. Bestie is worried. Mom has been quiet. And of course I feel guilty for making them worry too.
- Decided this was BS so I called the breast center to inquire about my results. The lady said she faxed the results right now AND the report has been ready for DAYS!! Seriously "ready for days? UGGGG!!
- Few hours later...
- So, spoke with my doc and I do NOT have breast cancer!!!! I have a Fibroadenoma. A common benign tumor that is common for women. Click on the link for more information.
So what now?
- I had already decided if it were to come back as benign, I would have the lump removed. I don't want to feel a lump in my breast, I don't want to worry if it is changing into something (which more than likely it wouldn't) and more importantly it causes tenderness and burning pain. I already have enough pain going on and if I can't alleviate some, I'm all for it. It's a simple outpatient procedure.
- I also had already decided if it were to come back as cancer, I would have a mastectomy. I had no hesitation about it. Take them. I can get new ones. Most insurances will cover reconstruction after mastectomy. I could have new perky ones!
Little info...
Hugs!!
Jenn
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