The Dirty Little Secret...

You can "Google" all day long on signs and symptoms of your chronic illness but rarely the info will give you a real insight on how it will impact your life. The physical symptoms are easy to point out. Can't stand, sit or walk as long as you want because of pain and fatigue. Avoiding the sun at all costs because it causes the rashes to become enraged. Staying out of hot and cold temperatures because it causes increased fatigue or stiffening of joints which leads to more pain. I am talking about the emotional toll. I like to call it "The Dirty Little Secret" because we don't talk about it. We don't want to sound like we are "whiners", that we are dwelling on the negative thoughts or "not being grateful because there is someone out there who is worse off". (Which btw, when this is said, it's really annoying! You don't think I know that someone out there has it worse? Please don't say this to your loved one.)

Few examples of "The Dirty Little Secret":

• Having to swallow your pride. 
• Feeling ashamed. 
• Loss of independence. 
• Sense of having a purpose, self worth. 
• Strain on the family and my friendships. 
• Feelings of hopelessness.
• Grieving for the "old"  me. 

This is real, suffered in silence and it hurts.

Even putting this out there is a bit uneasy for me. I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I don't want them to think that I am just a whiner. I don't want to hear "Just think positive!" (Yet another statement to avoid when talking to a person with chronic illness) That's not how it works. I can't just think happy thoughts and POOF! All better! If that worked, I would be the happiest, most annoying person in the world! I know that it's not my fault for being sick. I can't control what is happening to me. I don't want people to think that this is all I think about and I am dwelling on what I cannot control.

 
It is important to know that I do not sit here day after day and feeling sorry for myself because I don't But I will admit, some days are harder than others. I will also admit that I have days where I just want to cry and have...in silence, when hubby and kids are out of the house. Then put that smile on when they come home.

If you have trouble reading this, I will post on FB page.

I just wanted to make "The Dirty Little Secret" to be known. With all the physical symptoms that we have to experience every day, we shouldn't have to suffer the emotional ones in silence.

Hugs!!
Jenn

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