Anger after doctor appointments...

Sometimes, I get so angry after doctor appointments. I get to the point that I don't want to go anymore. I get pissy before I have to go. Having an unknown demyelinating disease is scary enough but when the doctor gives you a rather absurd idea of what it could be. Just pisses me off even more! I mean seriously, I am telling you that I cannot have a certain illness based on blood results but you still want to argue and tell me that is what is wrong? I'm not stupid. Not only am I a patient, I am a nurse. I have family members with the alleged illness that you are suggesting. I know what I am talking about. So, whatever Doc, test me again if that makes you feel better. But it just infuriates me! I had to keep myself from crying while scheduling a follow up appointment for more tests and results. By the time I got to the parking lot, I was crying uncontrollably. My poor husband just held me close as I sobbed on his shoulder. I wasn't crying over the absurd suggested diagnosis. I was crying because I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was crying because I am tired of this mysterious illness. I am tired of doctors looking at me like I'm nuts. I'm tired of not knowing what the future is going to be. I said to my husband "What is it going to take? Do I have to wake up one morning and not be able to walk or use my legs? Will they stop looking at me crazy then?". He sweetly says "Jenn, I really don't know babe.". If the doc doesn't know, just say you don't know and send me to someone who you would think that would know. Don't sit there with your white coat on, throwing out ridiculous diagnosis that you know damn well that it could not be and say "Jenn, I don't know what is wrong with you. Let me send you to Dr. Whatever.". Gesh!! I just want to know what is wrong with me. Plain and simple!
Hugs!!
Jenn

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