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Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Chronic illness and my best friend..

Lately, I have been having a hard time dealing with the fact that I cannot do certain things like I used to. I used to be able to do anything that I wanted. Camping, shopping, driving, working...I truly miss my old life. I have said it time and time before, my mind says "yes you can" and my body just laughs and says "yeah right!".
I am fortunate enough to have a wonderful best friend. Kim, who I met while in nursing school 10 years ago. We have so much fun together no matter what we are doing. We can laugh at anything and we can just look at each other without saying a word and know what each other is thinking. We are always there for each other no matter what it is. Death of a parent or birth of a grandchild. We know that we will always have each others back.
Few years old but that is alright!!
Having a chronic illness as I do, tends to dampen the relationship. I am not able to do the things that we used to do together. We would shop, go play Bingo, camping, dinner out at times. I used to drive to her home once a week to see her (though I say he is MINE) grandson. Now, I am no longer able to do these kinds of things and if frustrates the hell out of me.
For a while, I was feeling like, a jealous teenager that MY friend was hanging out with other friends. But as I thought about it more and more, I realized that I wasn't jealous of the fact that she  has other friends or fear that I was being replaced. It is hurt that I felt because I am unable to do what I used to do. I cannot go camping when it is too hot, which is most of camping season. I cannot drive over to her house weekly anymore. I cannot sit for 3-4 hours and play Bingo because sitting too long hurts, concentrating for a long period doesn't work. I'd probably being yelling out "Yahtzee" instead of "Bingo" because my mind would be fried lol. Shopping, forget it lol Unless I have a motor scooter. But God help us if I'm driving! lol It is just so depressing! Frustrating! It seems like it just takes more and more away from me. Another slap in the face! This is another aspect of chronic illness that you don't see in a fancy pamphlet.
I am happy that my bestie has a friend that she can go camping with. And even though, I have all these thoughts of feeling sorry for myself, the hurt is real. I am fortunate to have such a wonderful person in my life. She will probably slap the shiz-nit out of me after she reads this because she will not think anything of the sorts. She knows that there are things that I cannot do. I know that she will tell me that I am not replaceable, we will always be best friends no matter what and it doesn't matter that we don't go and do things like before as long as we continue to talk 20 million times a day.
I love ya Kim!!
Hugs!
Jenn
On a side note: we don't actually talk 20 million times a day. But it was figured in one month...38 & 1/2 hours but whatever! LOL

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