Good days and bad days...so hard to explain. I am even having difficulty writing this blog lol Having an invisible illness, well it just sucks. But when you decline an invitation from a loved one because you are having a bad day, sucks just as much. You can hear the disappointment in their voice. "Why can't she come out?" "Why can't she just sit at the restaurant?" "Really, she can't just sit in the car for a ride?" NO, NO and ahh...NO! No, I cannot simply just do these things.
Good days are few and far between lately. But when I do have a good day, I love it. I still have to calculate my energy and watch for signs that I need to go lay down. But it's better than normal. Good days, I want to be around people. I want to have a conversation. I want to go out to eat. Good days are less pain and a bit more energy. Good days are less tremor and better balance. Good days are my thoughts are clearer. My words come easier. Love the good days!!!
Bad days...hate them. Sometimes, I have this flair of pain that will last for a week. The pain, oh the pain! I can't sit, lay or stand for to long. I have to keep changing positions constantly. Hurts to be touched. Clothes hurt to wear. Bras and socks, yeah right! Bad days are unable to hold a conversation. Too much thinking. Too difficult to understand what is being said. If there is a group of people, forget it! Too much chatter literally makes me ache. Voices are grating. Like nails down a chalk board. I know I have to seem rude sometimes. I will just walk away and disappear because I can't take all the chatter. Bad days are making yourself to get out of bed. The fatigue is ridiculous! Simply walking to the kitchen to get something to eat and walking back feels like you just run a 5K. Bad days are just wanting to be left alone. You have a short wick. You want the lights down low, quiet room and no one interrupting your peace. Bad days also include depression. With the pain and fatigued heightened, so is the depression. Vicious cycle. Pain fuels the depression. Depression fuels the pain. You can't win! I'm not even going to explain the tremor, balance issues, losing words, saying the wrong words and forgetting what I was doing lol Wait, what was I saying? LOL Oh yeah, I think I explained enough lol
So, I hope this will help people understand what a good and bad day are like. And the difficulty it is to explain it all!
I pray for many, many, many more good days!
Love to all,