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Saturday, September 28, 2013

Invisible illness...

The invisible illness... an illness in which one person has that another person cannot see. Meaning, you are sick but you don't look it. So with that, it is really frustrating. With the strange, weird, dirty looks that you receive when getting out of the car in a handicap spot. To riding an electric scooter in a grocery store. People giving you the same dirty look. Rude and impolite for not getting out of the way. All they see is a younger, over weight "lazy" woman.
Friends and family seem not to understand either. Not all, some. Hearing comments "just go for a walk" or "if you would get out of the house, you would feel better". It's not that simple. I cannot "just go for a walk". It is too exhausting. I have to actually tell and remind my legs to walk that feel like they are weighted down after 25 feet. I cannot "get out of the house" to make me feel better. Some times, a group of people talking is so irritating. Makes my skin crawl, my muscles ache. Conversation is exhausting. The concentration and understanding what is being said is taxing. There are some days that I just can't do it. And choose not to. Some days, it's not worth the trouble.
You have to understand that everything, I mean EVERYTHING, that I do in a day takes planning. I cannot simply get up in the morning, jump in the shower and start laundry. I wake up, take medication, lay back down. Not shower until bedtime because it is exhausting. It will take all day to wash clothes. Throw a load in the washer. Rest. Put in dryer, throw another load in the washer, rest. Fold clothes. Rest. It can be taxing just planning the steps so I don't get exhausted. Some days, I just give in and do nothing but rest.
I just wish people could see the actual struggle inside. That it is taking all their might to make it through the grocery store. It is taking all their might to walk without falling. Hoping and praying to make it through your kid's softball game. I am NOT lazy! I am NOT trying to get a free ride and not work. I am doing the best I can!

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