If only!!

If only Dr. House was real...he could figure me out!!

Invisible illness...

The invisible illness... an illness in which one person has that another person cannot see. Meaning, you are sick but you don't look it. So with that, it is really frustrating. With the strange, weird, dirty looks that you receive when getting out of the car in a handicap spot. To riding an electric scooter in a grocery store. People giving you the same dirty look. Rude and impolite for not getting out of the way. All they see is a younger, over weight "lazy" woman.
Friends and family seem not to understand either. Not all, some. Hearing comments "just go for a walk" or "if you would get out of the house, you would feel better". It's not that simple. I cannot "just go for a walk". It is too exhausting. I have to actually tell and remind my legs to walk that feel like they are weighted down after 25 feet. I cannot "get out of the house" to make me feel better. Some times, a group of people talking is so irritating. Makes my skin crawl, my muscles ache. Conversation is exhausting. The concentration and understanding what is being said is taxing. There are some days that I just can't do it. And choose not to. Some days, it's not worth the trouble.
You have to understand that everything, I mean EVERYTHING, that I do in a day takes planning. I cannot simply get up in the morning, jump in the shower and start laundry. I wake up, take medication, lay back down. Not shower until bedtime because it is exhausting. It will take all day to wash clothes. Throw a load in the washer. Rest. Put in dryer, throw another load in the washer, rest. Fold clothes. Rest. It can be taxing just planning the steps so I don't get exhausted. Some days, I just give in and do nothing but rest.
I just wish people could see the actual struggle inside. That it is taking all their might to make it through the grocery store. It is taking all their might to walk without falling. Hoping and praying to make it through your kid's softball game. I am NOT lazy! I am NOT trying to get a free ride and not work. I am doing the best I can!

Absolutely love this!!!

For my readers (if I have any lol) who have MS....

Pain Pain GO AWAY! Seriously, get outta here!!

Bad pain day. Back, feet, arms and shoulders. Chronic pain...is well, a pain! I don't know if it is the weather change, just a bad day or a flare. I could hardly lift a skillet this evening for dinner. My left arm has had so much pain in weakness recently. It is strange. I even placed a Lidoderm patch on my arm. Didn't really make that much of a difference. Being in pain all the time really wears you down mentally. If you are up too long, your pain increases. If you are laying too much, the pain increases. Can't sit in a chair or ride in a car too long either. Because why you ask?  You guessed it! The pain increases!  LOL It is rather annoying. Always switching positions. Stretching and laying still at times. Strategizing ways not to increase your pain. But then you have fatigue factor you have to add in to the mix. It's tiresome! Like I said....chronic pain is a pain!!

Darn you Discoid Lupus!! Darn you!!

About a month ago my Discoid Lupus flared up...

Doesn't really itch, just hurts. Kinda like a sunburn. Very irritated, raw feeling at times. Had a round of steroids and it cleared up nicely.

So now, a month later, it's attacking the front of my neck!

Looks horrible! Looks like terrible hickeys lol Trust me, they are not lol. Guess I'm calling the doc again tomorrow. I will say that I would rather have them on my neck and arms than on my face! Lovely Discoid Lupus!!

Great website for people who have MS

I found a really great website for people who have Mulitple Sclerosis. Nice community forum and you can create your own little blog. It is wonderful to talk to people about what you are going through. Makes you feel like you are not crazy!

My MS Team

Check it out!!

Missing my father and feeling his presence...

I lost my father in January of this year. The greatest man I have ever known. I miss him terribly. I find myself picking up the phone from time to time to give him a call. Or seeing a movie on TV that he would love, I'd want to call him. He had been sick for many, many years. I watched this invincible man become so dependent on my mom. He too went through years of physicians telling him that he wasn't sick, he needed to change jobs, needed to reduce stress and need to see a psychologist. He understood what it is like to lose abilities that he once had. He understood that, at times, it just sucked depending on others. I think the year of his life, him and I gotten closer.
These past few months I have been in dispute with a neighbor. I know that if my dad was here, he would have taken care of it. He would have been here so fast and telling the neighbors how to fix the problem.
I have a sense of my dad's presence. I have a sense that he is over my shoulder. I feel like he is telling me how to handle the situation. It is just a strong, unexplainable, overwhelming feeling. I talked with my mom about this. She said it was my dad giving me strength in his spirit. I didn't think of it that way. I truly believe it!
Miss you and love you Dad!!